Scott and I really struggled with the decision on how many children to have. I think it is a bigger decision than deciding who you will marry. Let me explain. Who you marry will affect many (especially yourself) but how many children you choose to have determines if someone is born! And if you decide to let that someone be born then you are deciding for generations of others to be born! That is insane. That is scary. That is sobering. And yet, so many flippantly decide to stop having children because, quite frankly, “they’re DONE!”.
I remember vividly standing in the kitchen doing dishes when Scott and I were in the middle of deciding to have a vasectomy reversal or not and I said to the Lord: “I just don’t feel like I am wise enough to decide if and when life should come into this world.” That was a turning point for me…
I have what is called hyperemesis, you can read about it here. Basically I am ridiculously sick throughout my entire pregnancy. I puke… A LOT and I am always nauseous, up till the moment they come out (I puke even through out labor). This is difficult. When Scott and I got married we said we would let God plan our family… that was before I had ever been pregnant and experienced what felt like death… ironically while my body was producing life!
After that first pregnancy I was terrified to get pregnant ever again! “I can’t keep doing this!” I thought. “How am I going to home school and have kids back to back and be sick 24 hours a day?!” Continue reading